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[Phoenix continues eating as though everything is fine, although it's a little weird that Maya is just staring at him. Normally she's all over any kind of food, after all.

And then she finally says it.

Oh.

He is in the middle of swallowing, which gives him a moment to decide how to respond. He could just brush it off again and pretend that it's not a big deal. After all, he has survived other harrowing disasters with little effect on his psyche. How is this any different?

But when he's done swallowing, he doesn't take another bite. Not just yet. He closes his eyes, letting the memories of the incident resurface. It was relatively quick and yet it felt like an eternity of agony.]

Thanks. It was... Well, I guess I can't just pretend it was no big deal, can I?

You sure can't! There's plenty of evidence to the contrary, Mr. Wright!

[It's a little facetious, but she knows. She knows.

Maya rocks side to side a little, bumping Phoenix gently with her shoulder as she looks over at him.]

...I know how it feels.

It's not easy, and there's... not a lot of people you can fool here pretending otherwise.

[Phoenix smiles just a bit at that first part, exhaling through his nose in an almost-laugh.

But when Maya reveals that she knows what it's like, his smile immediate disappears and he straightens up, eyes wide with concern.]

You do? But... you never told me...

[He knows she's not talking about the deaths that have occurred in her life before now - Mia, her mother, and more.]

I'm sorry.

[You never told me.

Maya feels more than a little guilty. But she remembers Phoenix's face in Labyrinthia, the last thing she saw before the iron maiden closed; she remembers Phoenix's worry after that, after the turnabout at Hazakura temple, after the one at Kurain. Neither of them want to think about the other dead.]

...I didn't want you to worry about me.

[She admits, and then sighs;]

But I thought, somehow, I'd be able to keep it from happening to you. I should have told you when I was telling you about this whole place.

[As if maybe, maybe, that could have prepared him. Deep down she knows it wouldn't, but...]

So, you don't have to act brave for me.

[Phoenix certainly didn't intend to make Maya feel guilty. As she explains it, it makes sense, of course, because he would worry. It's still so difficult for him to remember that Maya has been here far longer, that she is in many ways far stronger and more accustomed to this land.

He smiles sadly.]

But I don't want you to have to worry about me either. Or act brave. [Except he knows Maya isn't acting. She is brave, has handled this place a lot better than Phoenix.]

How... did you die? Was it... Aunamee? [He asks hesitantly, not wanting to stir up traumatic memories for her.]

[Maya jumps— but not at all because Phoenix is right.]

No,

[She exclaims, turning to look him in the eye with her brows knit in— angry concern. There's only one reason why Phoenix would suggest that, and it's brought Maya the answers she (didn't, wasn't ready to—) wanted to hear.]

But— you, oh no, Nick, he didn't, did he?

[It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a time bubble. It wasn't a Night priest or a Day priest or some human with a well-aimed gun.

It was Aunamee. Aunamee killed her best friend.

Phoenix may be back from the dead, but it's different. He's different. And whatever pain Phoenix was put through, all of that was because of the same Aunamee that killed Makoto, that in another world killed hers and Phoenix's sister.

All for what— for trying to help? For being the Phoenix he's always been, even in the face of such horrible circumstances?

But as angry as Maya feels, she has to keep her cool— Phoenix doesn't deserve to be more stressed out than he already is. ]

I'm so sorry, Nick.

[...At least it can be deduced that, in Maya's mind, getting offed by Aunamee is worse than what happened to her.]

[Phoenix should have told Maya what happened. He almost assumed that she knew. But really, it could have been anything. Going to the past and trying to get one of the Night followers to come with him and not blast him to bits was a chore in it of itself, something that could have easily destroyed him.

He looks to the side a bit and bites his lip as Maya confronts him, as if ashamed. Embarrassed. How could he have let himself walk right into Aunamee's trap like that? Especially knowing what he's capable of, after seeing how he had killed his fake sister. No, no, he tried not to hold that against him, knowing that it was fake, that those memories were fake -- but still, Aunamee hardly acts any different.]

I-it's okay. For some reason I thought you already knew! [He waves, trying to calm the situation.]

But yeah... He... wasn't too keen on me bringing someone from the past to the Cube. At least I got a couple people there before he caught me. And at least I'm back!

[But that Night priest isn't back. Every time he thinks about that priest, it does sting, though he remembers Aunamee's words - that they were going to die anyway.

But Maya's right. He shouldn't have to act brave for her. But it's not for her... It's for himself. Because if he thinks too hard about it, he's afraid he might just fall apart.]

[The look on Phoenix's face draws her back to reality. He looks embarrassed, ashamed— like this could be his fault. She can't get too angry— if anyone needs to be brave for the other right now, it's Maya for her friend.

She draws her lips in and bites them from the inside, lifting a hand to— hesitate, then to grip Phoenix's shoulder.]

Yeah, you're right. You got more people over there than someone like him would expect!

[She is so mad. So mad. But she can't focus on that right now. Phoenix didn't deserve this. Phoenix, her hero, made to hurt by someone Maya knows, knows, knows would have reveled in Phoenix's fear. He needs to be reassured, to know that he's stronger than this/]

Aunamee's all scare tactics and crazy strategies. He could never take someone like you down forever.

He's just— mad, that you made a difference.

[At least Phoenix tried to put on a brave face before Aunamee, only showing fear just before that gun was fired. And then obviously once it disintegrated one of the plates of his skull, all bets were off the table. But he tried.

And Maya is trying. She at least is making Phoenix feel better about not saving that one priest.]

Yeah, you're right! He can't take me down forever. He's kind of a coward when you get down to it.

[A coward who would shoot someone instead of listening to them just to appease their god.]

I don't know if he ever learned good coping skills.

[Well, that at least gets a laugh out of Maya. She can't believe it]

No, no, I don't really get the impression he did.

[~~are they really ones to talk?~~]

But you can.

I know you can get stronger— well, actually, just so you know, I don't mean you should go fighting him. I mean, you're not exactly a heavyweight champion.

But when it comes to spirit—

[Despite the backhanded compliment, Maya gives Phoenix's shoulder a squeeze.]

You've got him beat tenfold!

[Hey, excuse you, Phoenix had been going to the gym! He takes offense at that-- Except not really. Having a toned physique is one thing, but fighting is another. He opens his mouth to protest but lets it go, because Maya is correct.]

I don't think it would help if I went and beat him up anyway. He'd probably get mad and hunt me down or something.

[He sighs, though, even at that compliment.] It would be nice if I could take him to court and beat him there. But... [He gestures with his hand.] I don't even know where the legal stuff begins in this place. I know Javert runs a prison, but... [He trails off. Javert is another headache in it of itself.]

Hey, what do you think you're doing trying to make plans already, Nick?

We don't have three days to figure this out, you know.

[She gives Nick a little punch to the shoulder, albeit way, way softer than Mia tended to dole those out... and is quick to continue.]

Take a break. The facts are, Aunamee's gonna be here a while and so are the rest of us. You don't have to rush to find your answer.

So let others handle the heroics for just a little while... and you focus on recovering, okay?

[Phoenix takes a deep breath in, ready to respond, but then... exhales. Maya's right. He's so used to working on a tight schedule that he's not sure he can actually spread his work out.]

You're right. I don't need to figure this out right now.

[In a way he almost feels like a weight has been lifted. He wants to figure things out not for his own sake, but for the sake of those he cares about. Even if Maya decides to stay here, this place needs to be better.]

But... It's kind of hard to recover when this place throws things at us every month. [He smirks, not entirely serious. But actually yes he is. This place is really difficult.]

Tell me about it.

[Maya sounds more... tired, than she usually does— she really isn't one for giving up, and it isn't that she has given up or anything, but the seemingly endless onslaught of terrible things definitely takes the life out of her sometimes, and so does thinking about it. If even Maya can be brought down by it, she certainly doesn't expect Phoenix to be perfect.]

That's why I'm glad we're both here, though.

[She raps on his shoulder with her knuckle.]

When you need to rest, count on me. And I'll bug you when I need your help, too.

[Phoenix does genuinely smile at this. As much as he wishes his friends weren't subjected to this world, Maya's presence has made it far, far easier.]

Thanks, Maya. It's definitely easier with both of us here.

[He chuckles slightly as she knocks on his shoulder.]

Definitely. I'll always be here if you need me.

["Always be here." The significance of that phrase doesn't hit him at that moment, but later he will reflect on it. If Maya will stay here and Phoenix wants to get out... Then what?]

[If the phrase's significance hits Maya in the moment, well... she doesn't let it show, as almost-always. After all, has 'always be there' ever been true? In the grand scheme of things, when death is always present— when death is always acknowledged as an eventuality, in a cult that revolves around it— does always ever really mean always?

If Phoenix leaves and she can't, Maya could never bring herself to blame or hate him for it. Leaving is an eventuality. Dying is an eventuality.

Even the best of things come to an end.

But until then, Maya is sure of one thing— she trusts Phoenix to do everything he can, and wants to do the same for him. So she'll keep her plans to herself, for a while, but already she begins to brainstorm what she can do to protect her friends from someone who seems as indomitable as Aunamee.]

C'mon! Your rice is gonna get cold, y'know.

We've totally used up our allotted 'emo time' for this episode.

[meta jokes hit differently in a place like this, maya.....]

[If only real life was like a sitcom and everything could be resolved neatly in thirty minutes, packed in a nice little bow. He laughs awkwardly at Maya's comment, noting her obsession with certain shows.]

Well, there wasn't any sad music to go along with it, so does it really count?

[He shoves a mouthful of rice into his mouth. ~~But does he use chopsticks or a fork?~~

But he keeps eating regardless, knowing that his food will get cold. And that it's easier to eat instead of talking about death.]

Oh, Phoenix. Don't you know?

The saddest music is the music in your own heart~

[They may never be the same people that they were before they left again. But the people they were— and the things they carried with them— will remain inside them forever.]

IC Contact | Ryslig

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